Conversation With Becca Johnson-Spinos: From Despair To Hope

I remember that initial conversation with you and how much you were struggling. You were in a lot of pain and didn’t know how to proceed, but you did have a lot of clarity from the start that you just couldn’t keep going the way that you were. Do you remember if there was anything you were hesitant about at the beginning?

My only hesitation, which eventually ended up being such a positive thing, was I was worried about the group aspect of the program. Now, I can't imagine what it would have been like to not have the benefit of hearing another person's perspective. But when you go in you're like, “Oh, I'm going to be talking about really personal stuff.”  I’ve always been a little nervous or wary of the idea of therapy or any self-help stuff, and I think part of that was about sharing your story with someone else. So at first, I was a little nervous about that aspect of it. 

But it was really great to hear other perspectives and be going through such similar things together. It was so great to have the extra support, and to have shared concerns and problems. If anything, the group calls ended up being my favorite part. I enjoyed doing the lesson exercises, and I really rediscovered just how useful journaling and reflection is for me through all of this, but being able to share in a space, hear feedback from other people, and talk to other people about your progress and what’s going on was absolutely the best part. 

Also, to have that consistency every week of knowing that you’re going to have that time to work on yourself and what you’re trying to do, and just having it in my schedule was really, really nice for me. It’s something I always looked forward to. I always left feeling better and like I had done something really productive. 

Yes, it is simple but it's also so difficult! We don't live in a world that nurtures that truth, right? We're constantly given the opposite message all the time, and we're trained and conditioned to try to prove ourselves all the time. I think a lot of people struggle with this simple truth. It’s easy enough to conceptually say, “Well, yeah, that makes sense. Of course.” But then to feel it and to really integrate it, to align your life to that reality, and have that become a core place that you move from can be really different and difficult.

I'm a skeptic about certain types of things and I certainly went into this being skeptical of the whole craze of self-care and rest, and doing things for yourself. I’m this person who is like “drive-drive-drive”. I think if you are someone who just focuses so much on work, your reaction to seeing these trendy memes is, “Well, I simply don’t have time for any of this stuff.” Your reaction is immediately going to be to pull back. You’re not going to be like, “Oh, I need that.” You’re going to be like, “Nah, I don’t need to do that” – nose-to-the-grindstone.

The biggest surprise for me is the way in which these things make sense to me now and being able to talk about these things that I think I would have thought negatively about before, or associated with laziness or with people just not wanting to do their job.

I was surprised to find that the things that I was sort of snooty about were very helpful to me. There’s no context for things like memes and such that are trending, so for me, just having a better understanding of the mental health component and understanding where it all comes from has given me a deep appreciation for them and what they can do for me. I found that it all really made sense when you have the knowledge behind it of why it is important. I would have turned my nose up at it before, but now I want to explore more into mindfulness, restful practices, and things like that.

Before, it felt very disingenuous to my personality, and I was so afraid of losing myself in this whole thing because my whole personality was so wrapped up in my work. But I feel very strongly now that I will be MORE myself if I continue down this path. I still have a lot of work to do, but I feel like ultimately the parts that I’m attempting to get rid of, like the stressed, anxious parts of me, have nothing to do with what makes me me.

Who would you recommend this program to and what might you say to someone who's on the fence about doing this program?

I mean gosh, I feel like really everyone should do it! I just feel like everybody could gain something from this, especially if you're someone who works independently at a job. I feel like someone who has a lot of responsibility and has a lot on them as an independent worker, because that’s what got to me the most – working by myself.